so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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