he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
