first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
