Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
