why didn't you poke me back
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
