Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
