Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
