I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
