he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His nipple licking is glorious
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