Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
