There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
