i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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