why didn't you poke me back
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
pray to the hookup gods
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
