What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
