We named our party play list daddy issues
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
