The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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