We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
