how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
