My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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