wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
