You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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