Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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