Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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