im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
