she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
