I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
