I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
