I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
