i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
