Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
