Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
