I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
