remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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