i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
