I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
