R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
