I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
