If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
