He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
