So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
