if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
