I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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