I want to stick my p in your. b.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
