is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
