Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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