Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
