making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
