Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
