My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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