Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
