i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost the right to judge tonight
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
