I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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