Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
