well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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