You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we should paint friendship bongs
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